Oh dear

As I wait for December to roll around with of my friends to leave for Russia again and for them to come back and for me to finally turn 17 (hardly being able to believe it.) I pray. I pray that God would keep my heart and emotions in check and I wouldn't let my heart get to far away from me. I could once again lose myself in my love for Russia. God is my God, and is my only and one true (well should be idlest) desire. The time will come (hopefully sooner or later) when I will be in back in Russia serving the orphans or perhaps just the people. I want to make a difference there and its my desire to see the bonds of religion be broken and the ties of relationship made.

I feel as though the country is so bogged down by religion whether they be Jewish (the non-Christ believing ones), Muslim, or simply orthodox. I was lucky enough to visit a protestant church service during my recent stay in Vladimir. I was really excited to hear the testimony of a church member who has felt the calling of missions. I was incredibly excited. However, Satan used that time to sort of make me wonder why am I here? If they already get this then.. What good am I? But, then again, God has a plan and a purpose for us all.

I was bless immensely by the fact that a month or so after my return and while I was feeling "home sick" (Russia took a huge chunk out of my heart and I long to go back numerous times a day) my good friend Kati, told me that some Ukrainian orphans were coming to Indy and they needed some volunteers to help with the VBS. Luckily I was able to go and help and practice my Russian and really just be blessed by the children. It was nice to hear the chatter of Russian (well actually Ukrainian..but its basically the same) being spoken and the challenge of talking to the children's escorts. Just it all reminding me of my time spent in Russia.

Like I've mentioned several times before, my heart groans and longs to go back. Somedays everything reminds me of something in Russia and it just makes me fall in love with it even more.

I feel so silly being so in love when I've only been there once but I think if God was involved and God is the creator of me and the creator of passion, and love, and devotion, then what is wrong with me being in love with Russia after only being there once if God lives with in me? (the words of Jessi) I'm only 16 and I'm afraid people look at me with a thought of "Well, she's only 16 what does she know about the real world" when in all actuality I've seen more of the world than most of them will see in their life time! Because Russia is something I'm so passionate about, I usually feel vulnerable talking about it. My heart is so into it that when someone, who works with The Boaz Project (www.boazproject.org) which you'd think would be happy to hear about my joy, passion, and love for Russia kind of makes me uncomfortable, simply because they all are so much more traveled and experienced when it comes to Russia.

I could talk about it all day but talking about it is not going to get me there.

I need to pray and focus on my God for guidance in the following days, weeks, months and in the years so come.

I need to focus on what God wants me doing and where he wants me going for next year.

Oh, how I long to see the Russian people praising God!

~Hannah