Wow.

So now i sit here listening to Phil Collins and its a cold rainy day out side. I really wish things wouldn't have worked out this way. I feel so much like i'm just in this like state of being where nothing make sense anymore. Why? I'm so tired of there always being someone better than me. As long has he's happy.. i'm happy. Now i really wish it would just snow. I don't want to do anything today i just want to sit and like stare a the celing gosh.. I think i'm just going to go and hide under babushki. When will i get my Colonel Brandon, my Mr. Darcy, my knight in shining armor?

bah.

~Hannah

ugh

So lately Russia, and well strangely enough the guy i like, has been the furthest thing from my mind mostly because i've been soo incredibly bogged down with school, stress, and drama (not meaning a play).But today i decided that i really want a knight in shining armor to come and rescue me from all my stress and mundane activities. I want my prince charming to come and tell me that everything is going to be ok but i'm constantly reminded that he doens't exsist right now in my life so i'm just going to have to deal with it. Life is so harsh. I don't like it .. well at times. Right now its been crappy but hopefully things will get better. Right now i'm just worried about school and i really want a best friend but i don't know anyone that i trust enough to be my BEST friend. I miss that closeness i used to have with Alyssa that trust that you just don't have with everyone. I guess this started with.. I'm not number one to anyone. I always feel like number 2, 3, 4, and so on. I want to have a best friend where we spend the night at each other's houses and talk about boys, movies, and eat weird food till 6 in the morning. Maybe i've out grown having a best friend. Maybe those days are over. Why can't I have a best friend again? Maggie, who is the closet thing I have to a best friend is so busy with college and her friend is getting married and I don't know maybe i'm being selfish. Yet, is it selfish of me to want a best friend? I don't think so. Oh well. Maybe i'll have a best friend soon.

~Hannah